i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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