life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
