I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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