Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
