btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
