Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
