I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
try to milk me bitch
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