I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no you cant smoke seaweed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
