being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
