Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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