My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
