so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
