you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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