why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
