so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We're too hungover to prance.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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