I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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