If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
