4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
