I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
