I'm lost and stupid without you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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