Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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