umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
