I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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