also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
