Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
