she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
