I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
