Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
