i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
