she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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