there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
