i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
