dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
