I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wear drunk well.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize