Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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