I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
