Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
