We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
