I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize