There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
