STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize