I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
