Can Purell be used as lube?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So many bounce houses so little time
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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