If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
