So drunk its hurt
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
