Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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