with your own penis?
We named our party play list daddy issues
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
