Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
