theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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