I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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