STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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