What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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