she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
