so let's talk penis.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
