will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
