mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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