I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
