I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
