this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
