Don't you send me to vm
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize