So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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