true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
