just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont even know how to be here
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
