she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
