My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
