ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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