So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
