and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
