i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
